Life issues, and therefore relationships,  are about values. Values are the things that we consider or perceive to be important or are important to us in our lives. We strive for values and we embrace different values. There are good values, there are bad values. There strong values and there are weak values. What remains and is the same for all of us, each of us, is that our thinking and actions are controlled and shaped by values. When the quality of our lives is high, it is about values; likewise, when the quality of our lives is low, it is still about values.

Values are resident in four areas or dimensions. These areas are:

                The material or physical

                The mental or intellectual

                The emotional

                The spiritual.

!. The material values are the important things that our bodies need; they are tangible, meaning you can see, touch, taste, smell and hear them. Examples of material values are food, water, clothes, shelter, money, toys, holidays, cars, cosmetics, fragrances (perfumes), parties, etc.

  1. The mental values are those things that stimulate the mind or equip the mind to tackle issues and challenges. The y satisfy the needs of the mind. Central to these is information or knowledge. Insights and wisdom also play an indispensable role in our lives. Information, knowledge, insights and wisdom are valuable and indispensable; they are the resources that our minds want to have to be able to function effectively and become useful to us. That is why we also call the values. Without knowledge or information, It impossible to understand and deal with our circumstances and challenges. To be able deal with our circumstances and the challenges that are related to them, we have to understand the character or nature of what we are facing and what faces us.

When we understand the character of what we are facing and what we are looking for in life, we begin to understand the process (the stages)that we have to follow towards achieving what we desire to have; that in itself is knowledge. We also begin to see the many options that can be used as the ways of dealing with our challenges in an effective manner. Without the many hassles that we see around us.

Options are important (valuable) because when we can see them, we have enough room for various kinds of action (manoeuvre). This means the partner can try that or that or another one. That is what options mean. Many lovers end up saying, “I have tried everything”, and end up not coping well. That is why it is important to see the options available because your won’t get stuck and experience stress. Your lover  will cope better and gain self-confidence.

Understanding options is to understand that some options work, some do not work. Some take too long, some take a short time to work. Some are dangerous and some are safe. It is important to see all the options because people don’t fail, it is methods that fail. When your partner has many options or methods in front of him or her, he/she can choose what works towards success , much more easily because he or she has a wide choice. Having one method is not good because if it fails the person gets stuck. Having plenty of methods or options, if one fails, the person still has another option to try on.

The fourth area of useful information (mental value) is about the changes that take place around the individual. When changes take place, it means there are new things in the individual’s circumstances, which of course he or she is not familiar with. Because the individual is not familiar with them, it is not easy to deal with them effectively. It is better when the individual observes these changes because if he or she does not observe them, they won’t understand why they are not succeeding in life because  they do not understand what they are dealing with anymore

A person who is not aware of the changes that are taking place around her and within herself succeeds less in life and is likely to bend to peer pressure, while those who are taught to look out for any changes  are happier because they will find these changes and at least find ways (options) of dealing with them.

A lover who shares useful  information with the other partner is a good lover.

An even better lover is one that looks after the emotional needs of his/her partner, in addition to catering for his/her material and mental needs.

Emotional needs are about how the other lover feels, first about herself, and about other people around her. Does she feel good or bad about them? Feelings , or emotions, measure the quality of life and determine whether it is high or low. A person’s quality of life is high when the person is happy and it is low when the person is unhappy or miserable.

Emotional values include things such as love, compassion, empathy, caring, humour, laughter, understanding, acceptance encouragement, support, praise, appreciation and similar attributes.

The there is the spiritual dimension of life. This takes precedence over the other three, emotional, mental and material dimensions. Everything starts with the spirit and end with it. Spiritual values include love, inspiration, forgiveness, humility, compassion, vision, sacrifice for others, service and similar virtues.

A partner who covers all four is certainly a good lover, especially when he/she focuses more on the spiritual. Material things can be lost, decay and lose value, mental things can change and emotional things can change too but spiritual things are forever.  

Our country is afflicted with materialism, where people focus most on material things as if they are eternal. That is the reason there is so much conflict and misery in relationships. When only material values are important to a person, people become less important to her; they are defined by material things. A good a good lover encourages spiritual values and monitors the emotions of the other, while filling her with useful information and knowledge to make her cope effectively with life. In this way the person begins to love herself. When she loves herself, she is able to love other people and gains self-confidence, which protects her from negative peer pressure.

In determining whether the lover is great or just good, we have to look at whether they only cater for material things or values or they cover all four dimensions of life. So we shall say a lover who caters only for material things is a weak lover. One who caters for the material and intellectual values of the other partner is a good lover. A lover who caters for the material, the intellectual and the emotional values of the other partner is an excellent lover. But a lover who caters for the material, the intellectual, the emotional and the spiritual values, in other words, for all four dimensions is a truly great lover.

Always listen to what your lover says about people who are close to him/her (family members, friends,. Etc). If he/she habitually judges them negatively, this means their spiritual consciousness is low and he/she will give you problems down the line.